Fearless Writing

I was having coffee with a new fellow writer friend the other night and earlier in the day had written a question down that I wanted to ask her "When you blog or write, do you edit or screen what you say in order to save someone embarassment or shame or humiliation or hurt feelings?" and "How does one know when to draw the line in regards to how much to divulge in their writing?" I guess it is a personal thing and no two writers would have the same line in the sand. I read somewhere in one of my many writing books that to truly be a good writer, one must go to those scary places, those places that take risks, risks of telling one's story regardless of what others may think. Are we not entitled to tell our stories. I realize they may not be the same for all of the characters in the actual story but still, my experience is my story and am I not entitled to tell it. At what point is it inappropriate to share with the public. We talked a bit about this and came to a few conclusions, one being that the intention behind telling the story makes a big difference.

If my intention is to share my experience in order to inspire or motivate or connect with readers, it means something a little different than if my intention is to hurt someone, get revenge or embarass someone. Just for the record, my intention is never to hurt someone but my quandry is at what price am I willing to pay not to hurt someone, to suppress my experience, to hold back to save someone else's feelings? I feel like I've spent most of my life holding back in order to avoid hurting another's feelings or letting someone down. At some point I need to honor my feelings, my desire to be heard and most of all seize the opportunity to connect with readers no matter what the outcome.

I write for many reasons but most of all to connect. I have no expectations that what I write will change anyone's life or even inspire them but I'd be lying if I said my intentions weren't to take my experiences and share them with the world in order to possibly let someone out there know they are not alone or that we humans have more in common than we are different. In this day and age, and at my age, finding the connections between people and places is more important than focusing on myself. I'm more passionate about community and connecting now more than ever. The world has gotten smaller it seems and we can't live in our little box of a neighborhood or job or city or state, we are all effected by everything that happens across the universe. I'm interested in intentions and consequences and doing my part to leave the world a better place than before I came even if in a small way. So my plan is to try to go to more author readings and see how their process works for them and how they put themselves out there. Maybe I'll learn more about the writing process along the way.

So when asked to go hear Salman Rushdie at the Jimmy Carter Museum with a friend, I wasn't sure what to expect. I've heard things about Rushdie but not alot but always appreciate fearless writers, those that write from their heart and soul regardless of what others may think. He does just that. He put his life in danger by expressing himself and that I can admire. He is an eloquent speaker and extremely knowledgeable and best of all has a great sense of humor.

At one point I was afraid when this older man was walked up to one of the mircrophones to ask a question, this same older man was heard throughout Rushdie's reading whispering loudly to his assistant "I am not an idiot" and other things I couldn't understand but was a little annoyed at his rudeness. Everyone kept turning around to see who was talking during this reading. So when he made his way up to the mic, I nudged my friend to say that's him, that's the man that keeps talking out loud an we both looked like we didn't know what to expect to come out of his mouth. The first thing he said was "I am from where you are from" in a really thick Indian accent. "I have walked the streets you've walked and I want you to tell me about this quest for fire in your writing" and he said so much more but I really couldn't understand him. Rushdie was peering from behind the microphone on stage with somewhat of a confused yet bewildered expression like he wasn't quite sure what this man was capable of. I couldn't tell if he was going to cry out, accuse rushdie of something or do something crazy like throw something at Rushdie but near the end of rambling, he said "Sorry to put you on the spot Mr. Rushdie but I paid my $27 tonight so would like an answer" so everyone let out a sigh of relief, this older Indian man that came from Rushdie's hometown had a sense of humor. Rusdie proceeded to talk of the quest for fire being in every culture throughout history. That people often give fire a bad rap like when a house burns down but when a flood ruins a town, they don't give water a bad name. People have associated water with life but he said "Life is not a drip, life is a flame to be lit or put out"

Wow....anyway...long story short, I have a newfound respect for Rusdie's intelligence and breadth of knowledge in regards to Greek and Roman mythology, history of all sorts. One audience member compared his works to Lewis Carroll of which Rusdie went on to explain he went to the same school as Carroll and how he took that as a compliment as he's memorized many, many parts of Alice in Wonderland. He even joked that he'd be happy to recite the Jabberwocky lines...

Today is the first day

of the next 14 days....the say it takes 14 days to form a new habit so I'm claiming today as the first of 14 days of blogging to make myself habituated to writing again. I'm reading so many great books on spirituality of sorts and plan to post my experience with them within the next 14 days. For now I will say that one in particular changed the course of my life and that says a lot. I'll just give you a hint of the power of a book, a friend of mine and I decided to read a book together and discuss it via email and telephone as she lives out of state. The book we chose was Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss. Well lets just say within one month of starting it, a little over half way through, she had ended her 5 year relationship and soon after I ended my 3 year relationship. The book brought about questions in my mind that I'd been avoiding. Within the first quarter of the book she says, here are the two most important questions you need to answer in life 1) Where are you going and 2) Who is going with you and if you get these out of order it can make all the difference in the world...Wow, this totally resonated with me as they were two questions I never even considered and agree, they are quite important. No wonder I've been led astray :)

So here I am a month after ending that relationship and on an emotional rollercoaster and just trying to find my footing. I get a little stronger each day and can see the light way, way, way down at the end of the tunnel. I see that one day, hopefully in the near future, I will begin to really ask myself the first question of where I am going and live with that question for quite awhile. I think it is just the right time in my life to begin the most important relationship of all, with myself. Maybe then I can have some compassion for those that have been in a relationship with me in the past lol...I know I'm not easy. Never claimed to be. Don't really want to be. I've been called intense, complex, contradictory, free spirited, non-committal, need to be committed (not really) and all sorts of things but I love those things about me and refuse to give them up. It is now time to be my own best friend so I say this to Carla loud and clear "Carla, come out and play with me, and bring your dollies three, climb up my apple tree, slide down my rainbow, into my cellar door and we'll be jolly friends, forever more, more, more!