It's been awhile since I've visited this space, shared in this space, and shared this space with others. I miss writing about what matters to me in a space intended for just that, a brave space. One of my intentions this year is to write more, write consistently, and write beyond my required and academic writing projects. To begin this intention, I'll share my 2016 New Year's Letter to Myself. As always, I would love to hear your responses and comments. I'm looking at this space as a place to grow, learn and listen compassionately, listen to myself as well as listen to my readers.
Letter to Myself
Three
things that worked for me were, 1) attending conferences in August and October
with the Contemplative Mind in Society where I was surrounded by like-minded
academicians passionate about social justice, specifically focusing on racism,
and discovering and sharing ways to bring contemplative practices into higher
education in the service of social justice work, 2) serving as a graduate
assistant in a womanist spiritual activism class where I learned a lot about myself
through contemplative practices, a lot about my students and my beloved
community, and about many spiritual activists contributing to positive personal
and social transformation on a local and global level and, 3) taking the time
to locate and visit nature and hiking trails conveniently located and
possessing the energy I am looking for in creating a contemplative practice inclusive
of spending time in nature.
After
contemplating on these and many other things that worked for me, I commit to
continuing these practices and possibly adding a few more as time and energy
allow.
Three
things that didn’t work so well for me in 2015 would be, 1) the negative
self-talk or hyper vigilance to my inability to overcome depression at times as
well as lack of motivation, 2) my lack of self-care in regards to honoring my
body and energy level and taking time to rest and do things that energize me
and fill my tank before I’m on empty and, 3) my lack of consistently practicing
compassionate listening.
On
this day, January 1, 2016, I make a commitment to working on changing these
things that didn’t work so well for me in 2015. I will pay attention to my
self-talk, listen to my body and heed it’s needs and, listen with compassion to
others in need of a space to be heard.
There
were so many good things about 2015 so I’ll just limit it to a few. I travelled
a lot and fed my spirit and senses. I welcomed my granddaughter Reverie Hope
Rangel into the family, the world and specifically into Los Angeles,
California. I met a few new friends that I hope to get to know deeper in the
coming year. I began practicing mindfulness in more ways on more days. I became
a vegetarian and not one of
those that preaches or condemns meat eaters. I’ve visited my daughter twice in
Houston and went on a road trip to Atlanta with her over the Christmas holiday.
I presented at several women’s studies conferences, both local and nationally
on subjects near and dear to my heart. I submitted something I wrote, didn’t
get accepted but submitted nonetheless, which is a huge endeavor on an
emotional level. There is so much more...
The
hard parts of 2015 include my insecurity in my work and in my personal life in
regards to relationships, friendship and otherwise. Depression, mild as it is,
has and will probably always have some effect on me, and thus my perspective on
life and love and loneliness. I found myself isolating quite a bit. I push
people away, usually unconsciously, when I need solitude instead of asking or
expressing my needs, as I fear being stigmatized. I guess I would have to say a
sense of loneliness and not belonging would be the hardest parts of 2015.
My
hopes for 2016 include working on these hard parts listed above, listening to
my body, mind, and spirit as well as others in order to learn about myself as
well as others. I also hope that I can celebrate the strides I attempt to make
in these challenges as well as others that may arise. I wish to remember to
have fun along the way, to not take everything so serious that I lose
enchantment with all that is magic and miraculous in the world and in my life.
My
focus for 2016 is on compassion, for self, others and all things. I also want
to focus on listening with compassion, to self, others, and everything in the
universe and beyond.
~ Carla
