Sometimes I think envy can be a good thing if paid attention to. If I feel pangs of envy, I can stop and think about what exactly I'm envious of and see if it is something I want to do something about. Is this envy stemming from a place of desire to have or do something someone else is? If so, I can make it my intention to incorporate it into my life.
For instance, a friend of mine is extremely artistic, I believe everyone is creative as I believe it is our purpose to create. What we create differs from person to person but we are natural creators so when people say "I don't have a creative bone in my body" I cringe as I do believe that is our purpose. Now discovering what our gifts are is another story but I do believe we are all born with creative gifts, each unique and complimentary to the universe.
So back to my artistic friend, and I choose artistic instead of creative as I feel an artist or artistic person is putting their creativity to use. They are actually creating or producing something and not just thinking and talking about it. My friend has very similar taste as me, very shabby chic for home decor and very classic and Audrey Hepburnish for clothing and is constantly making something such as handmade books, quilts, sketches, jewelry. It seems as though its effortless for her to have a project in the make. When I look at pictures of her apartment or see her products on etsy, I have this gut wrenching feeling of envy. Why can't I make that? Why don't I have the energy, the time, the motivation to put my creativity to use? It seems I always have an excuse for why I don't paint on my blank canvas in the closet, why I haven't learned to knit or crochet, why I don't take the time to create a handmade book seeing as I'm so obsessed with books and all? and the list of excuses goes on and on....
In my case, the envy I feel when I hear a writer talk about their writing process, see an art exhibit with really cool art that I can relate to, see a handmade bag or book or useful product needs to take me to the next level of actually doing something about it. If all I feel is envy and do nothing to relieve it, what's it worth? I don't want to just talk about my creative aspirations, I want to indulge them. I want to honor that feeling in my gut that says "I can do that" I want to say "I did that".
Today I'm grateful for feeling creative and feeling the desire to make something with my hands.
My intention is to do something about it.
The highlight of yesterday was my book group last night, we read poetry and drank wine and shared our innermost desires, dreams and wishes (not really) but we did read poetry, drink wine and laugh a lot...
About Me
- Carla Nikol
- I chose the name of my blog based on the word Buddha, which means "awakened one" or "the enlightened one". I don't claim to come from or be a buddhist, and I certainly don't claim to be "awakened" or "enlightened," yet I do feel I'm in a constant state of awakening and awareness and hope to live with an attitude that respects and practices compassion, mindfulness, and intention in my speech and in my actions. I come from a family of artists and feel lost without a connection to my creativity. I express myself best through talking and writing. I most want to feel connected to others and find that books give me that sense of connection. I work at a bookstore, go figure. I'm easily misunderstood because I live in my head a lot. Being an only child, I require my space and time alone to ponder why I am here on earth and how I can make things better. I am at a point in my life where I am consciously creating my "Authentic Self" as opposed to acting out the roles we adopt to meet other's needs. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
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